Since my last post on beginnings I have been up against my own worst enemy, my inner critic.
It affected:
* My ART with things like you aren't as good as so and so. Others must have more support, more money, a bigger house, an actual studio. Who do you think you are painting? You should be cooking and cleaning. You are a stay at home mom after all. People won't like it. Why bother?
*This BLOG. I started feeling like I have nothing to say. Nothing to share. I really felt stopping.
*My DREAMS. It is too hard. Again, who do I think I am? I will never be able to do it all. I should really just pack it all away. I can't.... I can't .... I can't. Blah, Blah, Blah.
Ugghh... I knew exactly what it was. But it still gets me every time.
These are all valid beliefs if you are living from a place of fear. It is what we tell ourselves when we are afraid. It seems easier to talk the talk and never do then to do and fail. BUT IT ISN'T. I think it is harder to suppress what is in your heart then to fully express what you know in your heart.
Marianne Williamson does a great job with this...
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
I carry this in my wallet and it always strikes a chord.
I am working my way out... yes, you always come out of it. I will keep creating, keep sharing, keep going.
Coming up soon... a new Art Biz Mama interview, a guest post and a very talented artist I discovered recently. And don't you just love these colors of fall? The eye candy outside is just fantastic!
10 comments:
Oi, sounds like you need some reinforcing feedback to trip you up and turn your face to the sun.
When I first started poking around the creative blogosphere, several blogs came up repeatedly as bastions of the craft. You know, the ones who everyone admires, the ones that get talked about, the ones that always seem to know what they are doing, are successful, smart, intelligent, consistently determined to do what they love, you know, the role models.
Well, guess what, honey bun, you're one of them. You have a great strength of character that shines out amongst the others, you know what you want and you aren't afraid to share your journey.
I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog over the last few months. You've been one of my role models, proof that it can be done. You are entertaining and informative, and above all a creator. Remember, there is no one in this universe or others who can create Dana Barbieri Art. Only you.
So stand proud at what you have achieved, you deserve congratulations. And that voice? It can go join mine on a permanent vacation. Tell it to take a long walk on a short jetty.
Cos you is great and I wanna read more!
Nutty
(off the edge, but learning to fly)
I love what gumnut said! You are one of the blogs I come to, too! And when I think of you I think of someone really trying. I mean REALLY going for her dreams, actually doing. You motivate me and yes, make me think it is all possible. I am glad you're coming out of your funk, but know that being in funks is also part of the process. I was recently in a similar position, and I think I made it out without too many bruises. I'm grateful you are blogging, creating, dreaming...
Dearest Dana,
I think all artists can relate to these feelings, especially us moms! We all have self doubts. What I appreciate about you is your honesty and character. By sharing this, you have empowered so many other women artists to keep going and know that it is normal to have these feelings. And then what to do when you have them.
Your vulnerability is beautiful and I love visiting your blog. I always feel like I am sharing with a good friend. I hope you are encouraged. There is no other Dana Barbieri.
Don't stop blogging! I like to see what you have to say. There are people out there stopping by -- here I am from Florida.
ALL of these thoughts were in my head this morning. All of them. I'm having a bit of a crappy week and with my migraine this morning, I'm very much out of it. I thought for a moment I had written it myself!!
Sometimes I am glad to know that I'm not alone, but I am not glad for the others that feel this way.
If it makes you feel any better, I am a blog follower because you are an inspirational artist to me. Your work (as I see it) is happy and refreshing and inspirational.
Your creativity will see you through. Sorry that you are going through this now.
Glad you are coming out of the darkness - I posted about another inspiational post you did yesterday, it helps me all the time - maybe you should go back and see how wonderful you really are! Big hugs xx
OH my, I totally relate about it being harder to suppress what's in your heart than express it. I've suppressed my desire for creativity for so long thinking it was a noble or good thing to give up because it was something that I enjoyed so much, and I am JUST now learning how to express it and enjoy it and let it be something important to me...and because I never know how it will be used to encourage someone else. I'm glad I happened upon your blog. What a beautiful quote too.
Oh my gosh have you ever hit the nail on the head. I can relate to everything you said. However, please know how much I enjoy your blog, your words and your art. I think this is amazing space and I am always inspired when I leave this space. I definitely echo Amy and Gumnut. I am so glad Amy introduced me to your blog. I can't say enough on how much it and motivate me! peace, angela
Dana,
I've been meaning to write after reading this post a few days back, but was trying to find the time to write a more considered comment (of course 'that' time never comes does it?!)
You are doing so well, and it's always inspiring to read and see some-one following and doing their hearts dream. Everyone gets moments of these feelings and if you can ride them out and not listen to the inner critic, you will be ever so grateful you didn't listen. I know I am. Here's to more positive critic whisperings :)
Amelia.x
Hi Dana, I know how you feel! I feel that way at times too. Sorry to hear that you went thru this and thinking of you. I love your work and your blog!! Hugz Wini xo
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